LIGHT IT UP(:
LIKE IT'S DYNAMITE

Hot n Cold - Kate Perry
KSK
BLACK&WHITE
Trying hard to understand life.
Explanation invited.
Cos I ain't independant.
I live in AWE.
Love my life, hate it at times.
That explains faces.
Totally, normally, a human.

I wanna be happy in life.
Oh, I wanna fulfill my career!
Cos that is when I start appreciating life.
Die with no regrets.
God Bless me, Amen.

August 2010 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 February 2014

Layout by Jieting | Ordinaryboy
This layout is best viewed in Internet Explorer 7 & above. Its done using Photoshop CS3 Extended. All images are upload in Photobucket.Com

Life can be so imperfect at times. It is at times like this I find that life the most beautiful. If things were all so perfect all the time, no one would ever know the beauty that life holds. Everyone is so busy and they have little time to capture and figure out what they are missing out in life. If you forget to add sugar to your tea, you should start to appreciate how ordinary sugar can help sweeten up the morning. If you miss the train and you are running late, you will probably get to see something different along the way. If you forget to take a shower because you are so busy with life, you will have a reason to have a laugh. After smelling yourself. It is the little things in life that makes us see the beauty of it. Today, I was queuing up to withdraw some cash near my neighbourhood and I admit, I was a little annoyed because the queue was so long! I didn't have much of a choice, so I got myself in the long queue and sighed. In front of me was a father holding his son's hand. I am actually a really curious and nosey person, so being myself, I 'accidentally caught a peek' at the amount of money the guy had in his bank account. The amount was hardly near a thousand dollars. Honestly, I was bemused and a little confused because his son was dressed up very well and he had cool sneakers for a kid! Then I realised, the guy was dressed in very normal and basic clothes. He probably got himself only what he needed and got his son the best. Though I had to wait at the queue for a very long time, I realised that everything happens the way it should.


Okay. Maybe I don't possess the stamina of a novelist but I think I'm pretty decent in writing diary entries. Writing helps me relieve my burdens in so many ways. It's like a fountain of water to wipe off the dirt that always gets stuck to me so stubbornly. I'm just surprised and annoyed that people still don't let a girl and a boy walk together. Or date. Seriously, I know fixed marriages are traditional and it is good to keep traditions going but you can't just force someone into living a life full of despairs and missed opportunities and involve them in a fixed marriage. It just doesn't make sense. I mean, maybe it does to some people but why is it forced? The world worked so hard to try to be democratic in so many ways yet it seems all in vain because people are just not letting others preach it. If marriage is so sacred and divine, then why have a fixed marriage to a complete stranger or to someone that one didn't even think of spending the rest of their life with? Isn't one supposed to marry someone whom he/she loves a lot? A choice of a marriage person should be of one who has earned it. Isn't it? Why am I still getting scolded for hanging around with guy friends? How am I to prepare myself for the future in the social world?


Jen kicked an empty can down the road as it rolled down the street noisily. Jen could have thought about a million things how her life was terribly flawed but she didn't. Instead, she wondered how her mother had gone through the pain of losing her husband whom she loved to another woman. In a second, Jen's body suddenly tensed up. Her pupils dilated and she chided herself for remembering the most painful of all memories she had buried in the deepest part of her mind and sworn to never think about it again. And right now, the painfully forgotten truth had been uncovered and there was no reverse. She felt the intense humiliation she had to face in the past; the feeling of getting cheated on. Jen was the most popular girl in school during her freshman year. Though she was new, word of her got around school like wildfire, from the teacher's staff room to the soccer boys' locker rooms. What could excite the teachers more than a clever girl who had etiquette and engaged well in class? And who could excite big, strong boys other than the new hot stuff in school? Jen was very good-looking and her smile was full of charisma. She was good in studies and she always had a joke to make her circle of friends giggle. Jen was the type who would sit with a lonely, conservative boy in the cafeteria and the next day, with someone buff, fierce and glaring. The similarity of the quiet boy and the guy with the glare after that was that they would both give Jen the biggest, sheepish grins at her the next day. Jen didn't just smile, she gave them away. Jen had many guys head over heels with her but she didn't have time to entertain them. Because she had already surrendered her heart to someone else; someone who wouldn't even turn to give her a second glance. Let's just call him A. A was notorious for dating size 0 bimbos who were rich and went out to expensive clubs all dressed and caked with make-up on a Saturday night. But Jen was worlds away from that. 1) Jen was toned but did not look like the seniors who starved themselves for a month. 2) Jen was very witty and outstanding in her academic performances. 3) Jen came from an average household. Her Dad worked in a sales company and her mother was a hotel cook. 4) Saturday nights were reserved for 'movie with popcorn' moments with her parents. And did anyone need to mention Jen was naturally pretty without putting on tons of make-up? Yet, Jen thought, maybe I might be the girl that A might change for. She thought of A when she was in Algebra class, when she was mixing chemicals together during Chemistry, when she was analyzing bones in Biology class, and during lunchbreaks when she was eating. She thought of bumping into him during walks to her locker. She fantasised about having study dates with him and dinner at a sundae cafe in the neighbourhood. But she chided herself. 'What's Mr Popular going to do, having dinner with a mediocre girl like me?' Jen went back to complete her Math homework, not forgetting to think about A of course.


Jen was obviously overpowered with a flash of anger. She spewed forth profanities at her mother in a fruitless attempt to prove her innocence, as contradicting as it sounded. "How many times do I have to tell you that I did not touch your filthy cash?" Jen spluttered, with her nostrils flared up and her face, red hot with fury. Her mother gave her a 'you-expect-me-to-buy-that' look, slanting one of her eyebrows with doubt. She glanced at her fifteen year old daughter. Jen's hair was jet black while the tips were sprayed teal. She had a ring hanging loosely from the side of her left eyebrow and thick earplugs on her expanded ear holes. She shook her head in disapproval. "WHAT?" Jen really could not tolerate standing there being accused of a theft she never committed,"I can't believe this. I'm out of here." With that, she threw her hands up in disbelief. Cursing under her breath, she stormed out of the house and a slam of the door followed behind her. Ever since Jen's father left the family, the mother-daughter relationship between them two had deteriorated drastically. Their bond between them had plunged and it seemed beyond hope and repair but Jen's mother, Margaret, never gave up. The last thing a mother would ever do was to give up, isn't it, Margaret thought. She had worked hard to provide for her family as a single breadwinner of her family. It was never easy to work hard and have time for her daughter but she managed to make it through. Besides, life was never a bed of roses. And Margaret had gone through enough to know that. Jen, who had always been 'Daddy's girl', always wondered how her loving father could have the heart to leave her Mother and her behind. Was I not good enough? Was Mother too naggy? Maybe Mother chased him away. Maybe I wasn't good enough, Jen sighed. She missed him a lot but would her father ever realise that? The popular girl in school, April, was always going on about how her father bought her a new Michael Kors bag again and bragging about going to New Zealand for a ski last winter. Jen would go to school taking the subway while April will throw her a smirk while she arrived to school in her father's Porsche. It just isn't fair. Why does a mean bitch like her get everything she wants? But some things she would never understand, like why her father left her. Back at home, Margaret rummaged through the old, creaky closet of hers. Two years ago, when her filial husband left her and her thirteen year old daughter behind for another woman, she lost trust. She was raged not at him leaving her but because Jen was about to go through the most important phase of her life and she had to do so with a complete family. Jen was growing up; she was going through puberty. Margaret had always feared her father and had never dared to speak up to him. She didn't want the same for her daughter; she wanted to make sure that no matter what, Jen would always have the two most important people in her life she could turn to be it laughter or heartbreaks. And two years ago, her husband, Tom, destroyed her wish. Margaret could never answer Jen as to why the man of the house left. How could she tell her own daughter that Tom left his beautiful family for a mere woman on the street, that her family wasn't good enough, and that he loved his family, but not enough to stay? Margaret could never do that. She couldn't let Jen think that she wasn't a good daughter. If she was anything, she was the most beautiful daughter and that she was loved a lot from the bottom of her heart. She would never allow a man's adulterous act put her daughter down. With puny fingers, she picked up an old, crumbled family photo. She tried to straighten out the crease of the photo. She still remembered the fury she went through two years ago. She had become a monster. After Tom let his true feelings out, she locked herself up, she broke everything in sight and she tore and crushed all the family photos she saw. She had to get rid of the face that had betrayed her. Maybe destroying everything that reminds me of Tom would make me forget what happened, she thought. But how could she destroy her own thoughts? TO BE CONTINUED


Reading has always been an obsession and writing has been a lifelong passion. I've always dreamed of being a writer and I will not stop doing so. Writing short stories and seeing people enjoying the read has always proven to be a source of satisfaction for me. It makes me feel appreciated. I like to write short stories and English has always been my most preferred Subject. Reading is a very important action that many people do not realise. Reading can be found anywhere- from using social networks to reading the label of a food product. But the type of reading I like most is the ones the that spell out the imagination of good writers. I've always looked up to Sophie Kinsella, Dan Brown, Agatha Cristie, Enid Blyton, and so many more authors. What do they have in common? They are people who believed in their imagination and now, people all over the world read their work. That is what I want to do as well; I want to make such good stories that will intrigue even people who dislike reading to cling on until the last word of my stories. I may not be qualified to be a good writer and also lack in a lot of areas but hey. I'm going to try till the end. Because it has always been my dream to be a good writer, it will take a lot to stop me from writing.


Dad opens the door and enters the room,
My heart skips a beat, I feel like Imma in doom.
Dad and I meet in the eyes,
I look away as though everything's all lies.
I'm so sorreh, I really am, Mum and Dad.
I know inside, you guys must be hoppin' mad.
It's my fault the fight started between you and Mum,
I deserved to pay, in it, there's nothing wrong.
If I had the courage like you Dad,
Everything, everyone could have been so much more glad.
But I don't have it, I just don't,
And I keep slippin' inside my tiny hole,
and desert the sun to hide my flaws like a mole.
Why can't everybody, anybody see,
how hard it is, like really hard it is to be me.
And momma's in the room, let's say, cryin',
Nobody does it, not even I am, pacifying.
Feel like a wimp
Cos I am a burden to society,
Using so much help and all I can do is limp.
Cos I know now, all I gotta do is die,
Just hope I make no one cry.
Oh F*CK, not AGAIN.
Cos all I ever was, is just a whole lotta pain.
Sorreh, Mum, sorreh, Dad.
Love you guys, real Bad.

Labels: Eminem., Thanks for the inspiration